The STUFF Sisters

Unlucky in Love

I have never been lucky in love. I have written a collection of tragic love stories. They are heartbreaking because I love without limits. I throw myself into love wholly and completely. The crashes are devastating.

I have grown hesitant and protective since my last failed attempt. But, I still dream of love stories to be written by me. It takes a certain kind of bravery to keep trying and I like to think I have that type of courage.

Continue reading “Unlucky in Love”

My Sister Rocks

Yesterday my mood meter swung unexpectedly and quickly from blissfully happy to deeply sad in a matter of minutes.

Yesterday my mood meter swung unexpectedly and quickly from blissfully happy to deeply sad in a matter of minutes. Everything is okay. As my grandmother used to say, “no one died today”. It is just another big bump in my relationships journey.

I spent the evening at dinner with my father and my step-mom. We spent four short hours together at a booth table in a restaurant. Eventually the entire staff gave up on us ever leaving and left us alone. It was wonderful. The night flew by and we were all shocked to discover four hours had passed so quickly. My Dad has always teased me about how much I talk. And, even asked me last night what it is like to have so much boundless energy. He then expressed a concerned – as parents will – that I find quiet time for myself. I reminded him that I live with a nine year old that goes to bed by 8:00pm each night. So, yes, I have plenty of quiet alone time and I get a bit excited when I get to be with adults. He smiled.

When I returned home I checked my computer. There was an email that stated that my sister had shared a pin on Pinterest with me.

I clicked on and this is what came up…

I fell apart in a pool of tears. It was exactly what I needed. She knew that when she sent it. She knew I would cry. She knew it would wear me out and zap my boundless energy. And, she knew I would sleep the deep, heavy sleep that comes after an emotional release. I woke feeling groggy, but ready.

My sister rocks!

PS. I tried to find the original source of the image above, but sadly couldn’t. If you know the source, please let me know. I would like to give them credit for their words.

PSS. I am deeply blessed with a family that loves, accepts and celebrates me.

Love Affair

I fell in love tonight with a naked man in a museum.

With my 14 year old son standing by. I was not embarassed by my behavior.

I love Friday nights at the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art because there are never crowds of people and it always has a hint of a festive mood – that “end of the week” buzz. The guards are a wee bit chipper and make more than eye contact. The rooms hum with the feeling that, although the weekend will be busy, this is the real calm before the storm. This is when the “real” stuff happens. This is when the art sings to you in a quiet room and sinks in a little deeper.

That’s exactly what happened between me and “Man Falling” by Auguste Rodin. He sang to me and I fell in love.

I Wish All My Ex’s Lived in Texas

I was out last week with a group of friends to celebrate a 40th birthday. The birthday girl’s husband had reserved a private room at a local bar, opened the bar to us, and made sure the snacks were abundant. I didn’t try any of the snacks. I know this because I was happily keeping my custom-printed cup full of cocktails instead. It was gearing up to be a fantastic night.

When the timer on our private room expired, we moved upstairs for the band. At this point the remaining group was a heaping handful of close friends, all married, all spouses accounted for, and me. The single woman. I am used to being the only single person in a group of married people. I show up to most social events alone. I don’t bring a “crutch” date (another single girl friend or a married person that is out without her husband). I just go everywhere alone. I mean let’s face it, folks: I am alone when it comes to couples events.

So…we were – how should I say this politely – loose with drink. And ready for some dance therapy. Cue birthday girl to the stage! Said birthday girl drags “the posse” of girl friends with her. And oh, what fun. I love to dance. Music lifts me right out of the world where we are all firmly planted, and I escape into the rhythm, music and vibe. And that was where I was delightfully lost when a man took my hand and helped me off the stage.

Then I found myself standing face-to-face with my EX-HUSBAND! No shit! I can’t make this kind of tragic crap up. He is saying something. My friends are staring and starting to think…who’s the guy? (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge). I pull my ex away from the speakers to hear what in the world he would want to say to me at the very bar where he spent an outrageous amount of our money drinking while he was cheating on me and tearing our marriage to shreds. But I am hopelessly curious (and stupid).

Yep, you guessed it. I got the “I really, really miss you. I always loved you” drunken-goo-goo-eyed pick-up line. I was speechless. If you know me, “speechless” is very, very, very rare. I stuttered. My knees felt weak. I shouted over the band, “Where is your wife?” He didn’t answer. He just repeated the line about missing me and loving me. I took a breath, regrouped my courage, and resorted to a one-liner to cover up my devastation. “Of course you miss me, I am fabulous.” I walked off.

Don’t be impressed. I immediately marched outside, where it took me 20 minutes, two friends, a strong drink, 2 cigarettes, and a face full of streaming tears to get my ass ready to return to the dance floor. When I returned to the dance floor, I closed my eyes and let the music carry me away.

What is remarkable about this story is that it is not remarkable at all. This happens to people all the time.

The week before, my ex-lover showed up at STUFF during our Wings of Hope event to say “hello”. He had been driving by and thought it would be a good idea to stop and catch me in front of my store (where I can’t walk away). And then he came back a second time to bring me food he had been cooking all day with his wife, kids and close family friends.

And, if that wasn’t enough, two years ago at the holidays I was dating a man (who chose to compare me to “new car smell” and classify me as “one of his obsessions” on Facebook after I asked for a break). This man has called, emailed and come to the store multiple times over the last few weeks looking for me. At least he offered help and shopped.

Casey Simmons driving her FJ. — going forward...never straight...at the wheel.

These men that I shared my heart, my mind, my body, and a small part of my soul with never once stopped to think about me. Not once. They just marched all over my personal space, my feelings, and my life. They showed no respect for me, my family, or my business. I don’t seek them out. I haven’t played games. I haven’t posted veiled (or direct) references on Facebook about them. I have left them alone.

“The holidays” make men and women want to couple. I get it. I feel its powerful pull every day in November and December, too. After the first week of January it fades, and I fall back into my natural state. I too want to fall in love again. I want a husband and a big crazy combined mess of a family. But, in the meantime, I want to avoid stomping on the very people that I cared for deeply…and I want to avoid them stomping all over me.

These ridiculous happenings have left me sad, frustrated, exposed, raw and lonely. But, they have also left me proud that I have the courage to stand alone, even when I don’t want too.