Yesterday I sat for a little under an hour at my dining room table and watched my son and my niece work a huge LEGO project. A Parisian cafe with thousands of pieces that will fit into a city scene my son has been building for years. I watched them sort pieces by kind and by size, and I watched him teach her about “the books” – those multi-pages items that tell you how to put the pieces together so that you actually end up with a Parisian cafe. It is architecture and engineering with bound edges and slick paper.
I sat there soaking up every little piece of their back-and-forth. Her questions and his gentle answers. His watching her get excited and her looking quickly to him with a smile in her eyes as she completed a big area.
And I sat there thinking about what I was going to do to the dining room after Dakota leaves for school in two weeks. What would be leaving us (the piano) and what I would miss (his impromptu playing). (He isn’t taking the upright piano. I’m just getting rid of it.)
I have labeled this mental activity “The Itch and The Dread,” and I have been building comparisons in my mind for more than a few days. I am itching to make changes to my life and surroundings, and I am dreading his departure from our home.
In general:
- I am itching to clean his room with him next week, and I am dreading entering it without him while he is in New Jersey.
- I am itching to move the kitchen table out, and I am dreading our first meal at the new table without him.
- I am itching for the freedom that comes with no school schedule, and I am dreading how I will feel without limitations set by a young person.
- I am itching for the silences I crave at my writing desk at home, and I am dreading the quiet he will leave in every room.
The Itch and The Dread. It continues.
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Perfectly life-sweet.
Rachelle:
You are too sweet.
– sloane
Best of luck, Dakota! He’s a full-blown fledgling, Sloane!!!
Monica:
Your comment couldn’t have been more true. Thanks for being along for the ride…
– sloane
I have followed a LONG time and enjoyed w/o comment….until now. The special relationship you share with your son will only get SO much better. I’ve been in your seat. So hard to let go but it is an amazing ride to see the adult that he becomes
. What a gift!!! It is so much fun to see the” us” coming out in “them” with their own twist. The best is yet to come. Enjoy!
Jen:
Thank you for taking time to comment on my blog. I am so darned excited for this next part I could almost wet my pants for all of us! He is ready to go and I am ready to see him take off.
You are kind to send a note and I really appreciate the time it takes to do just that! I know I am not alone in what this time in our lives is putting us through and I think that’s what makes it even more sweet.
Have great rest of the weekend.
– sloane
The love you have for your son is conducted like electricity from you to Dakota to your niece. What a gift to be able to watch that kind of interaction and be so aware of its importance. You have a lovely way with words-so many of life’s events are bittersweet. So many fabulous new beginnings and experiences for you and many, many more for Dakota!
xoxo-aaa
April:
Thank you for reading our blog and for taking time to comment.
They mesmerize me with their friendship and love. I am excited to watch it change and grow.
-sloane
i promise to take him out and feed him veggies when i am in hoboken, so he will not have a diet based solely on bennie tudino’s pizza.
p. claire
P. Claire:
You are a good and kind woman. Thank you for offering to support Dakota with offers of fruits and veggies …
It really is every college kid’s dream that’s been raised in an organic, and for a few years, vegan household!
-sloane
I love how you’ve so beautifully captured the bittersweet of this new chapter. ❤️ Best wishes to all as you adjust to the coming changes, will be all good.
JMSB
PS LMK if you have not found a home yet for the piano
Jeanne:
I have to tell you that you really do not want this piano! It is a million year old upright that makes every song sound like you are in a bar in Fargo with dancing girls. Which is why I loved every single thing Dakota played on it, especially “Love Potion #9”!
And, thank you for reading our blog and for taking time to make a comment. It means a lot.
– sloane