Yesterday a good man posted photos that included touching words about my sister, me and our store. The post on Facebook was in celebration of community, connection and charity. I was very proud of his words.
Sadly, I was also horrified by two of the images. I am embarrassed to admit it, but I was shocked at my big butt. That is all I could see. I wanted those photos gone.
I was blinded by my vanity. I cried. I was mean to myself. I had a vicious internal conversation with myself. I treated myself with hate and loathing.
This morning I woke and laid in bed thinking about how I ruined the kindness of that post. I alone was to blame. I looked at my lovely daughter sleeping next to me and I cried. But, this time I cried about my stupidity and vanity.
I will not ask to have those photos removed. I will never see those images the same way again.
Those images are now a reminder to not judge myself so harshly. I will breath in the kind words written about me and I will learn love myself.
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Pretty quick recovery, woman! Good job.
Thanks Landa! You know Simmons Women we are quick 🙂
Casey…you are being WAY TOO HARD ON YOURSELF! You look great. I don’t see a big butt when I look at that picture. AT ALL!
Thank you, but we all see what we believe about ourselves. That is why I shared my experience. How silly we are when we view ourselves with harsh eyes.
I really appreciate your kind words.
Oh, Casey, that was a beautiful post. I’m going to try to learn from you. I never let anyone photograph me, if I can help it, and it’s exactly for the reasons you said–not just vanity, but, harshness with myself. We’re kind to others, why not to ourselves? Your wise words will stay with me for a long time. Thank you!
Lisa…
Start letting people photograph you today. Hell, take 100 selfies! Our heads mess with our eyes. I shared my experience to let others know it happens to all of us at some point. What a waste of our energies.
Snap that selfie today!
I, too, had a recent viewing of myself in photographs and had the same self loathing reaction to what I saw. It was harsh there for a moment. I’m hoping that we are our own worst judges and that WHO we are really is what’s important. I’m quite sure that it is. It’s hell being “big boned”, eh?
I watched my “big boned” elders age so gracefully. They stood tall and strong late in their lives. I try to remind myself that my body is a blessing. But, the marketing world around me creeps in and my self image falls on it’s big butt sometimes.
I think most women would be the same about a photo. I know i fall to that the moment i see a shot of myself, quickly criticizing. Somehow/ when/ where can we empower our daughters/nieces/young friends to love themselves as they are…. your having shared this is a big start for each of us. You are so generous. Thanks, r
Rachelle…
It is certainly a battle for all women. Media is out of control when it comes to the images they celebrate. I am so good at talking about these issues and sharing my point of view with my daughter and other women. But, I thought it was important to share my dark moment with others to say, “hey, I too struggle with my self image.” Going public keeps me honest and accountable.
We are all in this fight together…here’s to standing strong.
hmmmmm, as one big butt gal to another…….i feel for you.
but you are sooo much more than your butt…..a crack also!
i love you.
i tried to think of something wonderful and loving to make you feel better. i tried, but i had to throw a joke in there also.
You know I love you too.
Being able to laugh about it is healing. I have had some amazing conversations at the store with people about my post. It is so fun to have real people connect with me. And, yes…we have had a few good laughs too.
Yesterday after talking with a woman about my blog, I told her I had to return to my office to do paperwork…but I would walk slowly so she could enjoy an in person view of the 5-minutes-of-fame-big-butt.
We pretty much cracked up.
Hugs to you my friend.